Washington Post Magazine Rejections and Zombie Planets

1:31 PM me: Want to be a part of my blogpost  ?? ♥: In what way..? me: Well do you read gene weingarten?1:33 PM ♥: Occasionally1:34 PM me: L  K well read this issue  I want my blogpost to be like a conversation about something  Sort of like gene weingarten1:35 PM What should we talk about?1:36 PM ♥: um idk lol  something that won't piss off the world? me: Yeah but it still has to be fairly controversial  Just in a friendly or funny way1:37 PM ♥: mhm ok  well idk me: Or it can be about how boring tenth grade is irdk1:39 PM ♥: lol talking about how boring something is is usually not that interesting1:40 PM me: I  D  O  N  '1:41 PM T ♥: Dude  stahp. me: That was Kira like ♥: Lolz1:42 PM me: Kira says that  Anyway ♥: we could talk about how awkward the holiday season is for everyone with all the different religions  like what about Muslim people  they don't even celebrate a winter holiday me: Hey  Hey Ramadan ♥: so everyone else is like yay happy holidays and they're just like Um.1:43 PM me: Ramadan ♥: Ramadan usually does not happen in late December but sometimes in the middle of fall, and the date changes.  It really can't be classified as a winter holiday. me: Ok fine1:44 PM ♥: People have also tried to say Eid but thats just the end of ramadan. so yeah. me: I am ignorant to that ♥: Muslim best friend <3 <3 <31:45 PM but ya. Hey so since Laura's a wiccan now we can celebrate winter solstice with her x1:48 PM me: Seriously?1:49 PM ♥: bahaha I have no idea. I get the sense that Laura wants to be a Wiccan like I want to be a Buddhist.  Thinks it'd be rad but probably doesn't know much about it. me: X l1:50 PM That was my phone  Yeah  Yeah I don't really want to be anything just me  And such1:51 PM Or we could pray to the church of Jules1:52 PM But then we'd all die of overdose of something  And we'd get unattractive once we'd turn like 22  No  321:56 PM ♥: Hey  hey  he will always attractive to meeeeeeee  but i really don't want to be a part of the church of jules it sounds both scary and lame at the same time like a bunch of strange delusional teenage girls who dont know how to do crack but will damn well try1:57 PM me: Yeah and we'd only have to listen to the strokes1:58 PM ♥: and phrazes for the young me: That means we'd always be like 1 foot deep in the coffin of getting too underground  Yeah  So we'd just be like  Half dead  Zombies  I don't want to be a zombie who can't move1:59 PM ♥: yeah i mean zombies only purposes are to walk around and do whatever they can to continue walking around  #obscurejohngreenreferences2:00 PM me: Zombies or aliens ♥: Um...zombies?  I mean aliens are scarier obviously  well  hm me: What if the aliens were zombies ♥: they're scary in different ways.  what do you mean what if the aliens were zombies2:03 PM me: Like what I'd there is a planet where all the people are zombies  It's plausible think of how much living earth is of space  I hate parties  They just  I hate them2:04 PM ♥: w me: Because I don't like being around people  I mean its a party at my house2:05 PM Why can't I say  I FEEL REALLY SICK  Y'ALL ARE GOING TO GET HELLA SICK WITH MY GERMS  GET OUT  my cousin is having a party at my house  And they are telling me  I'm not useful  I mean  It's my house  I know where the things are2:06 PM It makes sense I didn't understand that orangey juice was a mamosa because  1. My house doesn't live the orange juice life  2. My house doesn't live the mamosa life  3. So why are all these things in my refrigerator  Just go away YOU DON'T LIVE THIS LIFE2:10 PM ♥: um  what xD  that is the best thing i have ever heard2:11 PM my house doesnt live the mamosa life
Yesterday, I went to a dinner party and found quite brutally I least enjoy any party, and I am a terribleguest when I don't turn in regularly my homework to my PreCalculus class, but perhaps nothing has been more influential to my weekend than this article I read of Gene Weingarten, in which he and his feminist friend analyze Romney as a date. 
That shant be too hard, me girl I thought (I awoke today from a dream about Hawaii, which reminded me of pirates, and I was thinking in pirate). I thought. I didn't think too much, because what I wanted to do was show Gene Weingarten I could do what he did, and I could be a funny feminist friend, and should I ever run for president, boy would I show a great date. I was on my phone (hence all of the capitals at every single shift), and Gmail was my ticket to an editorial.
A good friend of mine was my sharer of conversation. She's an ENTJ, and I am an INFP. Our friendship exists in poles. Our agreements rest in our discord. Take that, feminist Gene Weingarten friend.
This is the resulf of my test. It was a test, after all, because all I wanted to do was disprove a Pulitzer winning author, because really what he did wasn't that hard. Oh, was it. I wasn't thinking for all the damaged little brain I have, and I wasn't really writing. I was being a 15 year old girl, and that is not a Pulitzer winning anything, unless it's a disheartening picture that looks like a printed case for a tattered childhood or perhaps a play featured in the Royal Tenenbaums. 
Later, at the second party I attended of the week, hosted of my house, because I really do live that life, I was reading The Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly to my three year old cousin. Perhaps I should've toppled Weingarten with my perfect analysis of its disturbance to children. I'm sure that hasn't been done 90008907 times. I'm surprised I didn't get nightmares from that lady's psychosis, and for her persistent eating, and because there were talking animals, I think instead I laughed. That lady's psychosis transferred to produce mine.
Anyway, what I find most appalling about that book is the moral: You shouldn't swallow a horse. It's too simple, and that's not half of the issue! The moral is you shouldn't be crazy, and eat too much, and trust your death in the voices of ally cats! But that is the moral. You shouldn't swallow a horse because you shouldn't be crazy, and you most certainly shouldn't eat too much, and you ate the horse because you trusted your death in the voices of ally cats.
The moral of this chat is: You are not Gene Weingarten. Obviously, I am not a middle aged man with a funny mustache and a shiny Pulitzer on my non existent resume, and I haven't ever written a very adorable book on old dogs. Obviously I'm a fifteen year o ld girl with more tracks in my mind than hot wheels. I think I'll create a rap lyric of that one day; however, it's true. I can't talk about something deep and make it funny, I'll talk about something deep and make you uncomfortable. I think if I ever ran for elections, I'd be a horrible date, and I wouldn't even get my last page in the Washington Post Magazine of a feminist and a man with a funny mustache making an essay of me.
I'd choose a zombie over an alien. Zombies are predictable, and humans have a natural fear of the unknown. What I didn't know was that Gene Weingarten is a genius, and I tried to disprove him the same way an explorer in the 1600's would declare an inhabited country his own. I don't know you, so I'll just take you over, go away. My house doesn't live the mamosa life, we live the one of respect. And that's what I've got for the last page of the Washington Post magazine.
* I didn't actually think this, I wanted to make an editorial of not being able to, and redundancy, and about one of the Editorial Gods.Ya dig?
Also I'm so sorry the color is white blogger did that idk why